Shysters, buffoons and w***ers?
A cast of characters competes to win round voters in Sutton Coldfield
Hello Patchers — as promised, here is your mid-week story.
And it’s a doozy (if we do say so ourselves). When was the last time you went to Sutton Coldfield? Perhaps you live there. Well, the constituency doesn’t usually get a huge amount of attention, given it is one of the safest Conservative seats in the country. This year, however, the competition is looking a lot closer — and some colourful opposition candidates are attempting to muscle in on incumbent Andrew Mitchell’s long-held patch. This story features Bob Geldof; a politcian who has no idea how much his constituents earn; and the absolute certainty that one of the candidates is not a gigolo.
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Shysters, buffoons and w***ers?
By Kate Knowles
“I have no bloody idea where Sutton Coldfield is,” Bob Geldof admitted when he signed off his election endorsement for Andrew Mitchell on Friday. Hunched over the camera in a black hoodie, looking somewhat worse for wear, Geldof’s support was surprising. Mitchell — the longtime Conservative MP with a plummy public school accent — is not exactly a rock and roll figure. But Geldof claimed that he’s the best bet for Sutton Coldfield’s voters. “We have had enough of leery shysters, buffoons and tiresome wankers,” he intoned. “Mitchell knows how to do stuff. And to get it done.”
It’s with some trepidation that I message Mitchell’s aide to tell him I will be 20 minutes late to our meeting, due to bus delays and needing to get a taxi in the rush hour traffic. Mitchell is, after all, known for his quick temper. Dubbed “Thrasher” in his Rugby School days for his forthright approach to disciplining his peers, his temperament earned him a government job as Chief Whip — then later cost him it. Accused in 2012 of an outburst where he called Downing Street policemen “plebs”, he was forced to resign (he disputed this version of events, but nevertheless apologised and stood down).
2012 seems an age away. We were then two years into the Conservative-Lib Dem coalition with David Cameron at the helm, and a centre-right approach dominated politics. But since Cameron stepped down in 2016, we’ve had four prime ministers who between them treaded a scale from paternalistic to radically libertarian with some populism thrown in for good measure. Now facing a major electoral defeat, the party is already divided between those who think it needs to move back to the centre, and those who feel its problem is that it is “not Conservative enough” (in Suella Braverman’s words). The Party’s future direction may be largely determined by who is left as an MP after 5 July — which could be a pretty small crowd, if some of the semi-apocalyptic polls are to be believed.
Mitchell, a One Nation Tory with an admiration for Thatcher, would expect to be in their number. His is one of the truest of blue seats, returning Conservatives at every election since its creation in 1945. But some models, based on polling, are calling Sutton Coldfield as an ultra-marginal seat this time round. One, from Ipsos MORI even predicts that Labour will snatch it, the kind of result that would herald a truly massive Labour landslide.
When I finally arrive at Mitchell’s office on Sutton Coldfield’s High Street, he is calm and unphased by my tardiness. He tells me we have until exactly seven minutes to six, after which he has to head out campaigning. As we sit down at a table, overlooked by a portrait of the Iron Lady, I ask him if his party is finished — and, if not, will there still be a place for him in it?
“There will always be a Tory Party,” he says, “though we have to earn support. We don’t get it as a right. We have to earn it.” As for whether there is an appetite within the party for a more moderate politics, he is confident that, if they do lose the election, the people they would need to win back share his outlook.
“The Royal Town of Sutton Coldfield is a very One Nation town,” he tells me, emphasising the word ‘Royal’. “If you look at what people subscribe to, what they do with their time, the sort of ethos of the town is very One Nation. That’s one of the reasons I'm so proud to have represented it for 23 years.”
I want to know if Mitchell is as in touch with his constituents as he thinks he is. After all, to subscribe to Benjamin Disraeli’s notion of One Nation, in which the ruling class has an obligation to support the working class, you surely have to be aware of the breadth of experience that exists within that nation — and especially the small corner of it that you represent. Last year, Mitchell was named one of ten MPs with the highest earnings from second jobs since 2019. He brought in £769,300 over five years (£153,860 a year on average), and that’s before you get to his MP’s salary (which is £91,346 in 2024) and the extra he gets paid for his ministerial duties.
I begin asking him if he thinks he is out of touch with his constituents who earn an average salary of £38,000, but he cuts me off. I’m wrong, he tells me, and I must be referring to the average salary across the country, not in his constituency. “No, you wouldn't know what the average salary is,” he assures me. “It’s much higher than that.”
“What is it?” I ask him.
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